One of my favorite quotes is: "I consider alone time a necessity, not an indulgence."
- E. Bennett.
Seriously, I get so frustrated when people say things like, "oh you're so lucky you got to do this or that alone."
Guess what? As moms, a lot of our alone time is consumed by laundry, grocery shopping and other chores.
These are NOT indulgences.
Going to the spa, going on a vacay or a night out with friends = INDULGENCE.
Am I clear?
And let me tell you, coming from a mom who didn't get a lot of alone time during postpartum....I learned that it's SUPER important to try and make it happen. Alone time can prevent parental burnout, feelings of resentment, being overwhelmed, isolation, anger, fatigue and loss of sense of self.
Why am I mentioning this?
Because, a few months ago I was asked to be the chef on a women's retreat in North Carolina. When I was asked, my initial reaction was "how will I ever leave my daughter for that long?!" The truth is, I've never been away from her for more than 24 hours - she's 5 y'all. That means I've spent 5 years saying no to things I should have said yes to. I did this because I allowed mom-guilt to win those times.
It didn't win this time...
Leading up to the trip, I almost made myself physically ill (literally was feeling sick the day before my flight was to take off). I started coming up with excuses to why I couldn't go. When in reality, the only thing preventing me from getting on that plane was the guilt I felt for leaving my child.
Would she be mad at me? Would she be okay? Will something happen to her? Will she think I left her?
Insane, right?!
Luckily I stopped and reminded myself that, in order to have a mentally strong child, I have to be a mentally strong mama. Our children look to us as role models, and I want my daughter to grow up to be strong, independent and brave. How can she be those things when her own mother is afraid to leave her for a few days?
So I went....
And I'm SO glad I did. I had the most incredible, heart-opening experience. I came home with more confidence, friendships, clarity and a deeper connection to myself.
I came back a better mama. And my daughter saw it too.
Remember that fear or worry is just a thought, not a fact or premonition that something bad will happen. So, the next time you’re debating whether or not you should take some "me time," be kind to yourself and take some time for self care, whatever that means to you. I know we can't all hop on a plane and head to the mountains for a week, but we can grab a coffee or go for a walk around the block.
Taking time for yourself is a necessity. It nourishes you.
Bottom line: Do NOT let mom-guilt stop you from doing things you love. Your heart will thank you, and so will your children. More benefits of alone time below:
1) Nurturing goes both ways - taking care of yourself means you'll be better equipped to take care of others.
2) Prevents resentment - sometimes when you're in the "thick of it," it's difficult to see the big picture.
3) Provides perspective - being alone gives you perspective on all that you have going on.
4) Clarifies your purpose - when you make time to spend time alone, you gift yourself some space to remember why it is that you do what you do every day - despite all of the chaos. All of the diaper-changing, nose-wiping, and tidying up really does matter.
5) Increases self awareness - when you spend time alone, you can make a true effort to get to know yourself better because there’s nothing else going on to distract you.
6) Helps you remember who you were before "mom" - alone time is an opportunity to connect with other parts of identity besides 'mom,
7) Distance makes the heart grow fonder - whether it’s a week of solitude in the mountains on a retreat, or a night out while the kids are with a sitter, getting an occasional break makes the wonderful parts of parenthood much clearer to see.
8) Better anger management - I snap a lot less and am much happier after some alone time. I think it makes me a better mom who doesn't snap as often or as quickly.
If you need help overcoming mom-guilt or anything else, check out my 6 week Budding to Blooming Program. I will help you conquer mom-guilt and so much more! After the program, you will have clarity on how to overcome the trials and tribulations of becoming a new mom.
And if you're not quite ready to immerse yourself into a program, I offer additional 1:1 services as well. Head here for more info.
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