Five years ago (I still can't believe it's been that long) I became a new mom. I remember feeling almost every emotion possible - stress, worry, anxiety... all of which co-existed alongside love, deep joy, connection and compassion. As time went by, I learned that motherhood looks differently for all of us.
And it's okay if you experience any or all of these emotions at the same time - I'm sure you have a few of your own too!
One of the biggest lessons I learned during postpartum was that I needed balance. During the first year of motherhood, I spent almost all of my time and energy on my daughter (that's what moms do, right?). What I didn't realize at the time was that I was losing my sense of self. I didn't know who I was anymore. Sure, I was now Lucy's mama, but everything else I once was vanished.
So, what is balance?
Balance is learning to give and receive equally - something that most moms find challenging because we often GIVE, GIVE, GIVE.
Until we have nothing left to give anymore...
We have to find out what balance means to each of us individually - it may look completely different to me than it does to you. Moms need to make time for sleep, play, work, love, self-care, nature and connecting with ourselves on a daily basis.
Your definition of balance may change from one day to the next, but we can still strive to connect to our inner voice and listen to it if we fall out of sync. As mamas, if we don't take care of ourselves, we will not be present or have the ability to take care of our children.
Here are a few ways you can find balance as a new mom:
1) Give yourself grace. We are often too hard on ourselves. If you find yourself going down the road of negative self-talk, I encourage you to ask yourself: "would I speak to my friend like this?" If not, cut it out. STOP being your own worst critic.
2) Don't try to do it all. Learn to accept your limits and be comfortable saying NO.
3) Let go of the mom guilt. This was particularly tough for me (and is for most moms I've talked to). I felt guilty for going back to work. I felt guilty for missing big milestones. I felt guilty for leaving work early, or getting there late. It felt like no matter what I did, I felt guilty. Here's the thing: guilt does NOT make you a better mom. It stresses you out and makes you more anxious. Sound familiar? One of the best things you can do if you're struggling with mom guilt, is figure out what is most important to YOU, not what's most important to your friends, your own mom or your sister - but to YOU.
4) Wherever you are, BE there. A big side effect of mom guilt is we are never 100 percent content with where we are - when we are at home, we feel like we should be at work, when we are at work, we feel like we should be at home. Try to be in the present moment - allow your body and mind to be in the same place. You'll get more done and you'll be happier.
5) Get up before your kids. I know this seems close to impossible (especially when you have a baby), but trust me, it's so worth it. Even if it's just 15 minutes earlier. Alone time is essential to feeling balanced. And as a mom, this might be the only chance for alone time!
If you're in the thick of it, I remember how that feels. I remember thinking that it would never end, I'd always be anxious, I'd never sleep again, and I'd never get my life back. But I promise, it won't last forever. I know I used to hate when people would tell me "enjoy these moments, it goes so fast." Because the fact was, time didn't seem to go fast, and I didn't enjoy all the moments.
Now my daughter is five and wow, time really did go fast. I wish I had soaked some of those moments (yes, even the difficult ones) in a little bit more because I know one day she will grow up and move out and the sleepless nights, diaper changes and Saturday morning craft sessions will be a faraway memory.
I encourage you to find balance in your life as a mom, so you can lean into these precious moments and soak them in like the morning sun.
And if you need help finding balance, I can help. I want to help. My 6-week Budding to Blooming program for moms starts this spring (coming soon!!!). During our time together, I will teach you skills for creating more balance in your life through meditation, mindful movement, hormone balance, simple, healthy recipes and more.
Find out more here and book your FREE consultation call to find out if the program is right for you. Looking forward to watching you BLOOM, mama.
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